However, I have now entered uncharted waters for a same-sex relationship. I've been relying on avoiding mistakes that I've made in the past, which has been limited to the first 90 days for a same-sex relationship. I don't see why we just can't continue as we have been, but are there situations that tend to come up after the first 90 days that neither of us have ever dealt with before? Our lives should be fairly stable for the next year and a half before I have to decide which graduate school to attend even becomes an issue. And I've even considered taking another gap year to travel and possibly intern, which could be coordinated with his school breaks or perhaps a summer abroad program. So, there seems to be some stability for the next year or two for us, I'd say.
Of course, we are mainly focused on the near term, holidays, winter sports, upcoming parties and gigs. Right now, we see each other on a regular basis, but we both have times when we hang out with our other friends separately. I've also made sure that he knows that he always makes the final decision about how our relationship develops, so that we are always going at a speed that he's comfortable with. He was the one who decided to come out to a wider group so that we could socialse a bit more freely, which has relieved some pressure to keep our relationship covert amongst our closest friends. I am very proud of him for doing that without any pressure from me, just some advice and support once he decided to embark on his coming out endeavour.
Just seeing him happy is probably the most important thing for me right now. Because when he's happy, I'm a very happy and lucky boy indeed. =]
Congratulations to you both Kobalt. Best wishes for a long and happy relationship together!
ReplyDeletehi, kobalt! congratulations to both of you. you seem to have a very mature stance about your relationship and that's a very promising sign =)
ReplyDelete@allen: Thanks! I wish for the same with you and AC. ^_^
ReplyDelete@Anon: Thanks for the kind words. However, I find myself pretending to be more mature than I really am, I fear. I hope that much in the same way that I gained self-confidence: if I pretend to be mature long enough, such pretense becomes unnecessary eventually.
@kobalt: oh, believe me, you don't pretend you're mature, it's called effort. in truth maturity is not about getting entirely rid of one's insecurities, but learning to recognize and deal with them, knowing it's ok to be inperfect.
ReplyDeletethe same with self-confidence: people with unshakeable self-confidence tend to be blind and arrogant, I guess...
the fact that you think you're just pretending just shows you have the good kind of maturity and self-confidence =)
That's an interesting way of looking at it, Anon. I say 'pretend' because my natural inclination is often to react to certain things quite badly, but I do try to not let that come out, if I can. Of course, I typically fail at that about 40% of the time. So, could someone still be considered 'mature' when almost half the time they really aren't?
ReplyDeleteAlso, my style of writing is naturally somewhat detached and often downplays uncomfortably drama. So, I think I probably come across a bit more mature in written form than how I actually react in real life. I find my writing here to be somewhat therapeutic, as I can look at certain situations and figure out how I should have dealt with things better.
well, I think that to be intelligent one doesn't need to know everything, but to be curious and creative in order to make questions and invent answers for them.
ReplyDeletethe same way, a mature person for me isn't the one who always acts "right", but the one who is aware of his own actions and is able to think it over, always learning more about his own self.
so intelligence and maturity also need a good dose of open-mindedness. you seem to have that, which is a very good (and often rare) thing. it's not a guarantee that you will act wisely, but I think it increases greatly the probability of doing so...
about your blog being therapeutical, that proves my point: intelligent people find ways to improve their maturity. writing is a magnificent one.
I agree with Anon that self-understanding is a key component of maturity. Another one is the capacity to love unselfishly, and you seem to be developing that so beautifully with T. It gives me goosebumps!
ReplyDeleteBut maturity, while a good thing, should never supercede authenticity, which can embrace playfulness, sexiness, and even impulsiveness. You are right that your excellent writing sometimes appears buttoned-up (maybe your British half) even when expressing your enthusiasms. I love and admire it (and you) but sometime would love be be surprised by seeing you get goofy.